In The End

"Time you enjoyed wasting is not wasted time.."

I have about 2 weeks to go now before i enter another time, dimension of sorts. I have about 2 weeks where i can be who i am best...my parents son (oh..and a brother too!). I have some 2 weeks before i'll have to rip out whatever/whoever was nearest and dearest to me from my heart so that i can selfishly focus on starting life afresh, instead of hiding behind colourful and cherished memories of the past.

It all seems so painful, leaving loved ones and the wonderful times you've spent together behind. Now that i can count the number of days left, i realize how precious every second i spent/will spend with my mother, father, bro, Aditi and friends was/is. When in bed at night, instead of thinking about what i am supposed to do in the coming days..what i am supposed to do to start a new life, all i can seem to think of is what i did in the past and what i could've done to make it better.

But all this introspection of past thoughts, etched in my mind didn't just happen overnight. A series of events in the past week or so has given me a quick, condensed view of my past life. I went to my school, Swami Vivekanand High School a few days ago...only to see it hasn't changed one bit since i left it in March 2000. I wanted to meet my teachers, the ones who made me the person I am today, one last time. I clearly remember having cried on the day of my 10th Std. farewell party, overburdened by thoughts of having to let go of people whom you had held so close to your heart for a good decade or so. It had been 7 long years since i had gone back...and to my surprise, every single one of the teachers (even those whom i wanted to avoid) recognized me! Standing on a floor, plonk in between a group of bustling students with samosa pavs and tiffin boxes in their hands, teachers scolding some for being late and the peons shouting at some for dirtying the floor, i was, for a brief amount of time, teleported to my school days...when i was probably the one getting shouted at for being late. And yet, in a matter of few days after the farewell..i went on with my life as a junior college student and my teachers went on with theirs.

On sunday, i decided to meet the professor who taught me Physics and Mathematics in my 11th and 12th standard. He couldn't believe his eyes and was so happy to see me. Nothing had changed; the same room, the same blackboard and his bugging voice. For a minute or two, i pictured myself sitting in the class, nodding my head to whatever he said and snickering at the comments passed by my friends. And yet, in a matter of few days after my HSC...i went on with my life as an engineering student and he went on with his.

A few days ago, out of nowhere, my dad found a CD which had a few pictures and a video of my 3rd birthday. Seeing pictures of my dad and mom holding and hugging me, and the sheer delight on my face seeing so many people (and the gifts), teleported me back to the time where i was pampered by my parents beyond belief. And yet, i've been able to hold back those distant memories and get on with life...just like my parents.

On the 22nd of July, Aditi left for the USA to pursue her higher studies. The past year and a half that i've spent with her, has by far been my best. With our fair share of ups and downs, twists and turns, i couldn't imagine she was actually leaving. Infact, it was only after a day or so did it sink into me, when i kept looking at the phone every 5 mins thinking she would call, that she had actually left. To say i was depressed would be a gross understatement. I got an email from her saying how she was missing people back home and felt lonely there. And yet, today when i woke up..somehow, i didn't feel the pain...the emptiness. I fired her an email saying she'll get over it...and get over it she will. A few more days, and i'll get on with my life preparing to leave and she'll get on with hers as a graduate student.

I watched friends cry at the station too the other day, when we had gone to bid farewell to another dear friend, Shweta. Tears were everywhere...and yet today, shes busy and tied up with her training and we all have got used to the fact that she isn't around and gone about with our daily life.

I now realize that we have to make the best of every single day we have, with whoever is around us. It wont take long for us to shove down all these wonderful memories into some corner of our head in our race against time...a race we always end up losing.